A friend of mine (2 of them actually, independently) was saying to me that the more she talks to people and the more she realises that there isn't a perfect (or at least fine) relationship around. All relationships/families have their problems and issues.
I find that too. I wonder if it has always it has always been so, but one wouldn't talk about it? One would just deal with it. A relationship was not expected to be loving generally; it was good if it was was, but a relationship was more turned towards the family, and getting on well with each other perhaps... An association. A bit business-like, with common interest, to raise the kids and move the family forward.
And maybe that the difficulties we seem to have nowadays are a recent phenomenon due for example to the omnipresence of the media. We talk more about those things nowadays... Or films, novels, blogs etc create a model of perfection to which we all measure our relationships to... Would our expectations be much higher? (perfect love...) All these images of happy beautiful people on ads, on posters, everywhere. We feel compelled to emulate. This has to be the model, the way things should be... If I am not like that, I have a problem.
But this model, doesn't work, doesn't exist. We kind of know it more or less sub-consciously, but we can't help ourselves. Two different human beings, with different upbringing, histories, different dreams... It's like 2 circles meeting, intertwined. The bigger the bit they share, the better the relationship. But often that bit is pretty small.
We are probably also much more individualistic and want more for ourselves. At least in our western societies. So it can't work really. Or at least cinema-tv-novel-fairy tale relationships can't work.
(It's funny how fairy tales and romantic comedies always finish when the happy heroes get married, or are about to... yes, but what happens 20 years down the line, how do they negotiate the following 10 years after that?...)
I find that too. I wonder if it has always it has always been so, but one wouldn't talk about it? One would just deal with it. A relationship was not expected to be loving generally; it was good if it was was, but a relationship was more turned towards the family, and getting on well with each other perhaps... An association. A bit business-like, with common interest, to raise the kids and move the family forward.
And maybe that the difficulties we seem to have nowadays are a recent phenomenon due for example to the omnipresence of the media. We talk more about those things nowadays... Or films, novels, blogs etc create a model of perfection to which we all measure our relationships to... Would our expectations be much higher? (perfect love...) All these images of happy beautiful people on ads, on posters, everywhere. We feel compelled to emulate. This has to be the model, the way things should be... If I am not like that, I have a problem.
But this model, doesn't work, doesn't exist. We kind of know it more or less sub-consciously, but we can't help ourselves. Two different human beings, with different upbringing, histories, different dreams... It's like 2 circles meeting, intertwined. The bigger the bit they share, the better the relationship. But often that bit is pretty small.
We are probably also much more individualistic and want more for ourselves. At least in our western societies. So it can't work really. Or at least cinema-tv-novel-fairy tale relationships can't work.
(It's funny how fairy tales and romantic comedies always finish when the happy heroes get married, or are about to... yes, but what happens 20 years down the line, how do they negotiate the following 10 years after that?...)
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